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Nkem Says: The Thing About ‘Ghosting’
I have always been deathly afraid of ghosts. I don’t know why.
As a child, the easiest way to terrify or creep me out was to suggest that a ghost was lurking around. I would literally become your slave in exchange for protection. One of my sisters really took advantage of this fear that I had. She would just simply say “Ojuju will catch you” and I’d become paralyzed or freeze in whatever position I was in, then she would get me to do whatever she wanted or stay away from a part of the house she didn’t want me going. I don’t remember how we came up with the word “Ojuju” and why I understood it to mean “a ghost”, but it worked for a long time.
This background perception and fear of ghosts was probably what kicked in the first time I came across the word “ghosting”. Someone had mentioned it in a conversation and the first thing I imagined was it involving some form of witchcraft or diabolism. Perhaps one partner would use the other for rituals or steal their destiny. Yes. I know. I blame it on too much ‘Nollywood’ growing up. Oh yes, and my mother too. She has such morbid stories.
Fortunately, I later found out from the Urban Dictionary that “ghosting” simply was “the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date…done in hopes that the ghostee will just ‘get the hint’ and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.” It sounds childish, doesn’t it? But we have all been there: You go on a date, everything is great. He calls you three times a day, sends you voice notes and text messages that get you grinning from ear to ear, sings you to sleep every night…you even share deep secrets and talk about the kind of future you envisage, the number of children you want e.t.c. But out of the blues, maybe after a few weeks or even months of being together, he disappears. No phone call. No E-mail. No DM. Not even a text! And not only that, he stops picking your call and all your efforts to reach him are ignored and treated with silence.
It hurts. Really hurts.
I mean, you probably may not have even been particularly attached or invested in the moron, but for him/her to vanish without an explanation? It stings.
Nothing makes you question your self-worth like a love interest that disappears, without any explanation at all.
You are trapped in a cesspool of confusion : What if they were involved in an accident and their corpse is lying somewhere on Ibadan Expressway? What if they lost their phone and cannot retrieve old contacts? Should you be worried? Should you be upset? Should you keep trying to reach them or just respect yourself and move on?
You go crazy with irrational anxiety and constant checking of their Whatsapp’s Last Seen…because you want to know what is going on! And when you eventually realize that you have been left in the lurch and ghosted – maybe you finally notice their activity on social media, or a friend of a friend lets you know that they (love interest) are over you- you start to question the genuineness of the relationship you had, why you didn’t see it coming. You question yourself, your self-worth as well, because you have been deprived of the closure you get from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.
The funny thing is that people who ghost others (ghosters) actually believe that they are doing the ‘ghostee’ a favour. They are cutting out the awkwardness of the conversation they would have to have with them to end the relationship, and saving them from the hurt of being rejected.
In reality, though, they are doing more emotional and psychological damage. Of course, texting someone something like: ‘Hey, I am over you. I don’t want to do this anymore. Don’t contact me anymore, and good luck with the rest of your life” would suck, but at least they would know to move on.
Ghosting is a reflection of a person’s level of maturity. People who are immature, self-centered and dramatic usually are the ones with the knack for ghosting. They are just interested in what they want and what works for them, no matter who gets hurt.
Also, cowards who cannot express the way they feel with words. But can we really blame them? If they meet someone with the hope of getting something beautiful, but end up with a toxic fellow who is clingy, bossy or just suffocating, should they be blamed for just disappearing and not handling the situation properly?
At the end of the day, the whole ghosting thing sucks. You have to remember that the act says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and instead tells everything about the ghoster. They do not have the maturity to be in a healthy relationship with you, so all that’s left for you to do is let them go peacefully and maintain your dignity.
Dwelling on the whys and how will only rob you of a better future because you will develop trust issues and shut yourself off from another relationship.
On the other hand, those who have the knack for ghosting should realize that they are horrible people. By refusing someone that little respect that comes with giving them closure, even if the interaction with them had been short or fleeting, you’re robbing them of so much self-esteem and self-worth. Be better.
Have you ghosted anyone or been ghosted before? Share your experience and thoughts.
Nkem Ndem Vivienne
Writer | Editor | Proofreader
Instagram: @kem_dem | Twitter: @ndemv | Snapchat : @ndemv
As he continues to impact our society positively and find new frontiers, Mr. Seyi Tinubu leaves no one in doubt about his generosity and care.
To Borno with love
For a state still nursing deep scars inflicted by years of violent extremism, the collapse of the Alau Dam, Borno, on December 10 was yet one tragedy too many.
The flood from the dam overwhelmed two local councils in the state (Maiduguri and Jere), killed about 150 people, and displaced over 70 percent of its residents.
Maiduguri and its residents, who never seemed to get enough help for their protracted misery, needed more help after the dam collapsed.
When President Tinubu’s first son, Mr. Seyi Tinubu, with his younger brother, Yinka, and a few others visited the state and announced a donation of N500m, it came as a prayer answered.
The intervention was not only in cash. He also donated 10,000 pieces of mosquito nets, blankets, mattresses, kettles, wrappers, buckets, mats, sanitary pads and wash kits, as well as critical supplies to cover prescriptions for almost 50,000 children and adults, including anti-malarials, anti-hypertensives, anti-parasitics, anti-diabetics, analgesics and antibiotics.
The gesture, which left many pleasantly amazed, caused a ripple in several quarters, especially among those unfamiliar with such heartfelt generosity from the children of Nigeria’s first family without official titles.
Succour for PWDs
Many didn’t know that Seyi wasn’t a stranger to looking out for the distressed and vulnerable. For him, philanthropic and humanitarian gestures not only preceded the Maiduguri tragedy, but it’s a practice he determined to honour, almost like a tradition.
For example, in May 2023, during the Renewed Hope Concert at the MKO Abiola National Stadium in Abuja to celebrate President Bola Tinubu’s imminent inauguration, Seyi stirred emotions when he was seen handing out wheelchairs to some people with disabilities present at the venue. The event was attended by then president-elect Tinubu and Vice President-elect Shettima.
The elated beneficiaries, who saw his generous and thoughtful gesture instantly upgrade the quality of their lives, couldn’t contain their joy.
Youth and sports too
Fast forward to 2025, to the Seyi Tinubu Basketball Championship, held at the Dogon Dutse Basketball Pitch in Jos, offered where he donated a total of N5m in cash prizes, with N3m naira awarded to the victorious team and N2m, to the runners-up. It’s clear that Seyi Tinubu’s tradition of uplifting others certainly knows neither tribe nor religion.
For him, the championship—which the organisers said aligned with President Bola Tinubu’s Renewed Hope Agenda—was enough to celebrate youth, community spirit, and the power of sports to unite people across Nigeria.
A heart for healthcare
However, his interventions have mainly focused on health, with maternal and child health taking the lead.
Through his ‘Drug Banks for Indigent Patients in Obstetrics & Gynecology and Pediatric Pharmacy Intervention’ launched in August 2024 at the Ahmadu Bello University Teaching Hospital (ABUTH), Shika-Zaria, Kaduna State, he set out to reach about 600,000 indigent patients monthly across 60 tertiary institutions in Nigeria.
This ambitious project involves establishing drug banks in each of the 60 facilities mandated to service 10,000 indigent patients monthly.
At the inauguration of the project at the University College Hospital (UCH), Ibadan, Dr. Cole Ayodele, the National Coordinator for the Seyi Tinubu Maternal and Child Health Intervention Scheme, had noted rightly that Nigeria’s maternal mortality was about the 4th highest in the world – a grim record and narrative which this noble initiative from Seyi Tinubu is determined to change.
While launching the same initiative at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital (LUTH), he further endowed an N1,000,000 scholarship granted to the best paediatric resident doctor.
Dr. Gabriel Oyeleke, a senior paediatrics registrar who was reportedly distinguished himself in the line of duty by caring for children in the hospital, was awarded the N1,000,000 scholarship in cash the same day.
The Chief Medical Director of LUTH, Dr. Wasiu Adeyemo, couldn’t hide his pleasure at the initiative. He noted that it would provide significant financial relief for countless indigent individuals who were financially unable to access prescribed drugs and medical treatments.
Before then, the team had visited the Federal Medical Centre (FMC) in Asaba with the total package, including the N1m Residency Training Scholarship for final-year pediatric residents to assist with registering and preparing for final fellowship exams.
Dr. Joseph Ajanwenyi, who got the scholarship award, thanked Seyi Tinubu for his generosity and also vowed to use the grant responsibly for its intended purpose.
After that, the Seyi Tinubu healthcare intervention train also stopped at the Federal Medical Centre (FMC) in Abuja to donate Life-Saving Drugs Worth Millions of naira.
While celebrating the donation on their Instagram page on September 24, 2024, the FMC Abuja management stated that the donation was Seyi Tinubu’s demonstration of his commitment to maternal and child care.
They also celebrated Dr. Fatima Mohammed, who received the N1,000,000 Seyi Tinubu Residency Training Scholarship the same day.
Medical bills cleared
From Abuja, we head back to the South, this time to Lagos State precisely, where Ifeoluwa Ore, a young sickle cell patient at LASUTH who had been discharged but could not leave because she could not afford the medical bills, was recorded thanking Seyi Tinubu for clearing her medical bills.
Unable to contain her joy and relief, she stated, “It has lifted a lot of burden for my family, and there is no way I can appreciate him enough. I want to say ‘Thank you’ for what he has done and what he is doing God will continue to bless you.”
One of his humanitarian projects, Seyi Tinubu Support Initiative, cleared the medical bills of Ifeoluwa and the others who were stranded.
By Maxwell Uzochukwu, he wrote from Lekki, Lagos.
Senator Monday Okpebholo, the Executive Governor of Edo State has shown that he is a blessing to the State with his policy, appointments, flagging off roads construction in the three Senatorial districts and his love for the people of the state.
Edo State Governor, Sen Monday Okpobholo
Governor Monday Okpebholo has started working and fulfilling his five (5) points agenda that he promised the good people of the state since he took oath of office.
In security, he has shown total commitment because he promised the people of Edo State that he will provide security and truly, Edo State is peaceful and people are happy about it. He has given necessary support to security personnels.
He increased Ambrose Alli University (AAU) subvention from N40 million to N500 million, he has promised to look into AAU medical students issue and the governor has started renovating primary and secondary Schools in the state, this is to tell you that Senator Monday Okpebholo knows the important of Education.
Agricultural sector has taken a good turn because he has awarded N70 billion to the sector. He knows the important of Agriculture to the state and nation at large, very soon Edo State will be the food basket of the nation with the way His Excellency, Senator Monday Okpebholo is investing in Agriculture.
During electioneering period, Senator Monday Okpebholo promised employment of 5000 people within his 100days in office and he has started the process, very soon, Edo State people will smile because he will not sign MOU before employing them. He has started appointing Edo State People and not Lagosians into various positions.
The people’s Governor, Monday Okpebholo has started his road projects across Edo State , from Edo South to Edo Central and down to Edo North, just because he believes that when the roads are motorable, prices of market products will drop automatically.
The governor has started investing in Health sector, this is because he knows the important of the sector to Edo State people.
By Eigbefo Felix
As I set out to pen this piece on this serene Sunday afternoon, my mind is drawn to the profound epistle of Apostle Paul to the Corinthians in 1 Corinthians 1:27-29: “But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; and base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things which are not, to bring to nought things that are: That no flesh should glory in his presence.”
Edo State Governor, Sen Monday Okpobholo
Hallelujah!
I have chosen to begin this way because it resonates deeply with my assessment of Governor Monday Okpebholo’s leadership over the past two months.
When Senator Monday Okpebholo stepped into the political ring, many underestimated him. He wasn’t the loudest voice in the room, nor the most flamboyant. In a political landscape where the ability to raise dust often overshadows the capacity to lay foundations, Okpebholo’s calm and collected demeanor was dismissed as a weakness. But, as Apostle Paul aptly put it, God has a way of using the “foolish” things of the world to confound the wise. And indeed, Governor Okpebholo has confounded his critics with actions that speak louder than the hollow rhetoric of his predecessor.
To truly appreciate the transformation taking place in Edo State, one must first understand where we’re coming from. For eight long years, governance was more about optics than outcomes. The previous administration, under Governor Godwin Obaseki, was a masterclass in what the locals have dubbed “audio governance.” Projects were announced with great fanfare, but their execution remained a mirage. MoUs were signed and celebrated, only to gather dust in forgotten drawers. Roads that were critical to economic and social well-being were left to rot, with billboards proclaiming, “Please bear with us; this is a federal road,” as if to absolve the state of any responsibility.
Governor Okpebholo has flipped the script. He didn’t start his administration with loud declarations or endless ribbon-cutting ceremonies. Instead, he started with work—real, tangible work.
In just two months, Governor Okpebholo has demonstrated that governance is about delivering results, not excuses. The Benin-Auchi Road by Obadan Junction, long neglected, has received the needed attention. The failed portions of the Benin-Abuja Road in Ekpoma, which seemed destined to remain a nightmare for travelers, are now under repair. Roads that were mere campaign promises in the past, like Upper Ekenwan Road, are nearing completion.
Even the Aduwawa-Upper Mission Junction, a project that felt like a distant dream, is now coming to life. And let’s not forget the Temboga-Uteh Road, which now wears the Governor’s signature of progress.
One resident put it succinctly: “In just two months, this man has done more than others did in eight years. He doesn’t make noise; he makes things happen.”
Beyond roads, Governor Okpebholo’s administration is tackling the long-neglected healthcare sector. The construction of a modern health center in Udomi, Irua, is a testament to his commitment. The 2025 budget allocates N63.9 billion to healthcare and an additional N1.8 billion for a health insurance scheme, ensuring that no Edo citizen is left behind.
One of the most commendable moves of Governor Okpebholo’s administration has been his decisive action to sanitize Edo’s markets. By placing a ban on market unions, which had long been accused of oppressive and exploitative practices, the governor has brought relief to traders and consumers alike. These unions had been driving up the prices of food and commodities through arbitrary levies and monopolistic control, leaving ordinary Edo citizens to bear the brunt.
In his words, “Markets should be places of commerce and community, not oppression. We cannot allow a few individuals to profit at the expense of the majority.”
Since the ban, market prices have begun to stabilize, and traders have expressed gratitude for the governor’s intervention.
Edo State has not been immune to the scourge of insecurity, particularly the alarming rise in cult-related killings that claimed over 100 lives in 2024. Governor Okpebholo has tackled this issue head-on, adopting a consultative and inclusive approach. Through interagency consultations and his robust security meetings, he has fostered collaboration among law enforcement agencies and local communities.
This proactive engagement has led to a significant de-escalation of tensions and a peaceful resolution to many conflicts. As one community leader observed, “For the first time, we feel heard. The governor is not just issuing orders; he’s listening and acting.”
Another area where Governor Okpebholo has demonstrated his commitment to justice is in addressing the contentious issue of land grabbing. Under the previous administration, many communities and individuals saw their lands forcefully taken, their properties destroyed, and their voices silenced.
Governor Okpebholo has taken a firm stance, declaring that such lands will be restored to their rightful owners, provided they can present proof of ownership. This policy has brought renewed hope to many Edo citizens who had all but given up on ever reclaiming their ancestral lands.
“The government is here to serve the people, not to oppress them,” the governor stated. “We will right the wrongs of the past and ensure justice prevails.”
Governor Okpebholo’s 2025 budget, aptly titled the “Budget of Renewed Hope for a Rising Edo,” is a roadmap to sustainable development. With 63% of the N604 billion budget earmarked for capital expenditure, it’s clear where his focus lies.
* Road Development: N162 billion
* Education: N48 billion
* Health: N63.9 billion
* Agriculture: N75 billion
This is not just a budget; it is a statement of intent. It reflects the governor’s five-point agenda—security, infrastructure, healthcare, food sufficiency, and education—augmented by a renewed focus on agriculture.
Governor Okpebholo’s approach to governance can be likened to a diligent farmer. While others scatter seeds carelessly, hoping for a quick harvest, he tills the soil, plants with precision, and nurtures the crops. The results are already visible, and the harvest promises to be bountiful.
In reforming local government administration, the governor has brought discipline and transparency to a system that was previously plagued by inefficiency. His bold steps are setting a new standard for accountability and service delivery.
Governor Monday Okpebholo is proving that leadership is not about noise but results. He is confounding the critics and inspiring the citizens. As Apostle Paul wrote, God uses the weak and despised to bring about great things, and in Edo State, this truth is playing out before our very eyes.
Edo is rising, not on the wings of empty promises, but on the back of a governor who understands that actions speak louder than words. Indeed, Governor Okpebholo has become the farmer who sows in silence and reaps in abundance—a leader who delivers hope, one project at a time.
Fred Itua is the Chief Press Secretary to Edo State Governor
